For those who don’t know… It’s my second attempt at doing honours. The first time I wasn’t invested – but this time things are different.
I must say, I was damn nervous. I’m not sure why – I know I can write, and I can read. Already that seems good. And I have a great capacity to understand. Honours to me seemed overwhelming. I rid through the curriculum and immediately started to doubt myself – was I smart enough (on paper) to pull this off? Add the pressure of wanting nothing less than a distinction shouted out as I cross that grad stage in the future, and I could feel the anxiety start to drown me.
When I spoke about my mini thesis with my best mate it was clear by his facial expressions and constant topping up of wine that I had little to no idea what I was doing. I was all over the place with ideas, and questions and just general blank stares.
I was disheartened, but I sat down and started writing anyway.After a good two or three months of perseverance… something weird happened. I started to enjoy myself, I started to realise that there was an argument somewhere hidden between verbosity and the vagueness. In fact – I think I was starting to sound smart on paper.
I had a process, I trusted in it, and I got to it. I’m feeing so confident right now, working weeks ahead of deadlines and staying consistent. I think that doing this degree – it’s an inception-like metaphor for my life right now…
What I mean by this really is that I’ve been speaking my 3 year plan into existence, and I’m so close I can almost LIVE it. I just need to trust in my process, my plan and keep at it. There’s really nothing else to say aside from that.