Four of wands (R)

I have a bad habit of wanting things I can’t have. Mallory you can’t have it all. You can’t have it both ways. And I’ve never been able to process that sentiment. But over these past two years I’ve proved otherwise, that I can have everything I want – I just need to want it hard enough and go for it.

In my career and dreams, this has actually been my guiding force, succeeding through pure willpower. However when it comes to making an emotional connection – whether family or relationships, I come up short.

4wrxEvery week I pull a card out my deck, and use it’s teachings and meanings to help shape and focus my week. This week was a curious one as I drew the four of wands, reversed.

The four of cards is a wedding card – but my life is hardly one that will tolerate such at this stage. It’s happy card, even when it is upside down. So at the root of it all I am happy, but there are issues.

Am I ignoring something important in my life, that is prohibiting my completion? Is this a warning?

This week is about being grateful for all the opportunities that I’ve been given. I appreciate those around me, and the support system I have that gets me through each day.

I have a tendency to create unstable connections with people. When I meet someone I’m excited by we will have a whirlwind relationship whether platonic or other but there is something so freeing when you meet someone new. I think I’m someone who is learning to express herself more and more freely – why? Because I know myself and want I want and it’s confusing when I am limited by what I can and cannot express or feel.

My friends tell me to me not to be impatient. Why the rush? It’s true I don’t have to blitz through the world and through people, but sometimes I feel like I’m running out of time and I sure as hell aren’t dropping dead without having experienced life and people to the fullest. So in turn, I put it out there… why wait?

Let’s say you ‘ve been hurt in the past – why is there this need to pause before jumping into a relationship again?I’m not talking foolhardy behavior though – but once you know why something didn’t work out and have done your introspection, and you know what you want out of life next, why not go for it?

I think people do know themselves; they just don’t want to admit the truth. But maybe I can be narrow-minded when it comes to believing that people deal with issues the way I do.

I on the other hand don’t want to focus on the small details – it weighs me down, makes things complicated, but for other people it matters. At the same time, maybe this card is telling me to pause and acknowledge where I am in live, who around me matters and give thanks just for that.

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