Mephobia

Did you know there’s this phenomenon called “Mephobia”?

Mephobia: Fear of becoming so awesome that the human race can’t handle it and everybody dies.

When I learned this new word I actually laughed aloud. Not because it wasn’t plausible, but rather when you’re that awesome, who cares if people can’t handle it and you cause mass extinction. Now I know my thinking is quite firmly along the lines of dictators, evil villains and Superman (okay let’s put him in the alien invasion category)… but these are sentiments that have me thinking.

As I’m making my way to the top, it’s getting lonelier and lonelier. Sure I have amazing friends and a support system, but really it is just me, my decisions and the ramifications of each one fall on me. I scroll the romance all over social media – everyone has weddings and babies on the brain. I won’t lie, I’m jealous as hell… because I worry I’m missing out on a feeling that I’ve yet to want. It’s just not where life is taking me.

I once wrote how much I feared my own ambition. Everything I’ve set out to accomplish I’ve achieved or it’s very much in progress.  I guess this is where my Mephobia comes in… am I dreaming hard enough and big enough? Will it ever be enough, this constant addiction to wanting more for myself, to being the greatest, wanting to be so awesome…?

I’ve honestly struggled to see how ambition could be a double-edged sword. Ambition always has its price, something must be sacrificed for you to achieve greatness. Should an ambitious person be faulted for recognising and taking on the opportunity cost? I don’t think so. I am willing to pay the price of my ambition – whether it is seen as greedy or not. In some eastern cultures, and I guess African too, ambition can be categorised as evil, not living within societal and spiritual restraints. But the West obviously values it – as long as it fits in with their checklist of acceptable values.

I don’t think I’ve ever been able to play life safe – I’m someone who’s swung from extremes in terms of actions, behaviour and thoughts. I’ve never felt safe, or capable of playing it. The adrenaline of achieving something, doing something by yourself – it’s meaningful. Being remembered is powerful. At least to me.

Why do you risk? To what extent are you willing to sacrifice?

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