As a newly or rather soon-to-be singleton, it was almost a sort of negative serendipity that Amy, a friend asked me to read, “Being single is hard“. I’m not going to summarise it, you’re perfectly capable of quickly reading it, and then coming back.
Touch matters so much. Why do we keep acting like it doesn’t?
So … what do you think? Do you agree and where do you stand when it comes to intimacy – whether with a significant other or a friend?
This article hit a little too close to home, and during the midst of this very long break-up (long story for another day), I started to panic, an absolute fuck out because you almost take for granted how important it is to be touched. Now I’m a thug – I hate PDA, and really you would swear I’m best friends with my SO since I don’t cling, hold hands… but I do loved to be touched. And if you think about it, who doesn’t? A hug, an arm on your shoulder, unconscious brushes of skin against skin.
As a survivor, I value positive touch, I’m greedy for that loving contact. So reading this, in the context of what I’m currently going through, the anxiety started creeping in. Would I be okay alone?
I think my go-to answer would probably be yes, in my single-hood life, I’ve always been fiercely independent. I’ve always been the one to dish out advice of, “work on yourself” when a friend was crying through their broken heart.
This conversation between my friend and I was intriguing – she was on a path to wanting and finding more intimacy in her life, while I, as mentioned above was reversing out of that space.
I’m going to miss the easily accessible touching. I think that is why flings, one-night stands and even jumping into relationships you’re not ready for, do happen. Being single is scary guys.
But it was also interesting to evaluate the intimacy I share between my friends. There are mates who I feel comfortable hugging, leaning on them, even putting my feet on their laps and they reciprocate these touches in kind. But then there are those, like one of my mates, who it’s almost laughable how awkward (but not really) we are. This one time we are sitting on the couch watching movies and my standard move is to push my cold feet under the bum of whoever is unfortunate enough to sit next to me. But it’s not like that with my homie, and I had to try be really sneaky and edge my ice-cold toes forward.
But sometimes it gets weird, the need to be touched then causes you to ‘flutter’ in even your most platonic of relationships, which just creates confusion and complication.
So how do I do me, the one people see – loud, outgoing, self-sufficient… and balance that with the completely natural craving to be touched. For now, the way forward is clearly Netflix and Chill.
And perhaps develop a Tinder-like app, swipe right for hugs, cuddles and offers to butt-warm your feet.