Letter to me from him

For years, I’ve searched for you in bars, in classrooms, and unforgiving events which saw me leave with strangers thinking its you. I’ve hoped that you would magically swoop in & complete my life, and I’ve imagined that I couldn’t be happy until I found you (not to say I’m not happy with you).

But then just then I realized that this isn’t a fair thing to ask of you. Why should anyone hold the burden of making a “half-person” feel complete, of holding me up as if I couldn’t stand on my own? Why should a single person be wholly responsible for the happiness of another? That’s a big task for any person to take on, one that’s bound to result in a muddled entanglement rather than in a love that’s pure & free & real. I’ve managed to gain a sense of completeness on my own throughout our time together which has enabled me to give you what you deserve.

Now do not read my words and think the worst, I am not breaking up with you my love. For the first time, I’m ready to stop seeking completeness like I’ve done in many previous relationship encounters, in being one-half of a whole. I’m ready to start being that person I’m meant to become, the one whose whole and complete on my own and who you can’t help but love irresistibly, the person who you truly deserve. Our time has come, I’m ready. I do not seek to be completed by you my love, Instead, I want you to add a new and beautiful depth to the completeness I already have.

With that being said I want to promise you this, I may not yet know all of the difficulties that come with a lifetime commitment, but I’m sure that the relationship experience I have should be sufficient to help me know what I want and how I picture my life with the person I will commit to (you). I promise to do my best to make you beam daily your smile will be my priority. I promise I will always look at you with the same adoration as I did the moment I realized I loved you.

I promise to always ignite the same sparkle in your eyes I see when you’re, inspired, motivated or when you are about to lean in to kiss me. I promise to hold your hand when we’re 80 years old (even though you’ve said you don’t plan on living past 40, I’m going to make sure you do!) with the same liveliness that I did when I crossed that line to hold yours for the first time at monte. I vow never to let the excitement of dating me die down, I will surprise you with the location, the reason or the activity itself. I promise to keep you guessing where we’re going next (As I know you love to travel and explore.)  I promise to do my best always to interest you. I will keep reinventing myself, gaining new hobbies, new knowledge and new interests to keep you and myself  entertained because you’re worth it. I promise to have new stories to share with you, and maybe retell the best ones again if you insist.

Our friendship will continue to grow over the years. I vow to challenge you to challenge yourself for the better as I know how much you want to dominate the world, to make you think differently. I promise to feed off of your illuminating energy that will inspire me to do the same with myself. I will do my best to ensure that being bored never crosses your mind ever again. Even in grief and darkness, I promise to show you the different shades of the dark, and to help you find the tiny rays of light that are always there if you seek them. After all, there’s always worse than worst and better than best, everything is relative. I promise to kiss you throughout our life together, with the same passion I had the first time I felt my lips on yours as I asked you to kiss you on the roof top at monte on our first date. When we kiss, I want it to slow down time just you and me engulfed in our feelings & our world.

I promise to do my best to remain physically attractive for you, and I will do my best to be healthy in order to keep up with our children and grandchildren I promise to help you to be healthy, both physically and mentally (not to say that you aren’t). I will cook and clean for us. Expect the best breakfast: traditional armenian tomato and pepper omelets, followed by fruit salad with breakfast punch… well, I can’t give all the secrets out. I promise to strive to be a role model for our children. I want both you and them to see me as a source of motivation. I want to inspire them in the same way you’ve been inspired. I promise to do my best to love your family as you love them and to be by their side as much as I am by yours. I promise to always listen to you when you simply just want to be heard, when you want someone to vent to about something or when you want advice. I will listen to you especially when you don’t feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with anybody else, and to the things you try to tell me when you’re not even speaking. I promise to always listen.

During our life together, I promise to make sure that you feel as though you are the center of the household I know you will be, and I will always  show my appreciation for you because of that. Being the man of the house is nothing without a woman. I promise never to let my guard down in taking care of us. I know you won’t be one to be satisfied with the bare minimum because world domination isn’t a mediocre task. I promise to do everything that I can for you without taking away from your independence physically, intellectually or emotionally. I promise to create family traditions and to make sure that your legacy lives forever through our children.

I promise to encapsulate the moment when I realize that I am in the most magnetic, amorous and erotic love with you, not to let that feeling dissipate to the best of my ability and to relive it with you constantly, always, forever.

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