The Break: S03E02

This post is dedicated to those woman I know who’ve remained tough, no matter how much shit life has thrown at you. Secretly we harbour the dark side of optimism.  I call it the dark side as this wonderful characteristic opens us up to continuous heartbreak and much disappointment.

Love is something that’s unconditional- at least that’s my definition. So pathetically enough no matter how much hurt you’ve put me through,  I’ll remain loving you. It’s that simple. That complicated.

Hope, thou art a sadistic bitch. The selling of dreams has allowed for nothing more than suspense, building up to a climax that rarely ends in a Disney Fucking Happily Ever After.

I heard today that everything that gets sent your way, whether good or bad, you should be grateful for. Why? Because everything you’re going through is preparing you for everything you’ve asked and expected from the universe.

That’s quite a shitty system I won’t lie. I want him. So all this pain and torment is preparing me to deal with him. And if I don’t get him then what? What a Fucking waste of time…effort…love

My anger surprises me,  but let me get it out rather than go bat shit crazy next weekend.

Plans have been made to be at my fiercest, my most sexiest. Will I try for a hook up, probably. Will I regret it, most definitely.

Truth be told I’m at the point where I don’t understand why I must be punished for doing everything right. For wanting and begging the universe for something that it’s clearly failing to provide.

So while the ANC of universe is failing to deliver the goods I want and need, I must sit and be patient and wait. That’s not fair.

I’m angry. At him, at myself. Sometimes I wish I lacked foresight and ambition. I wish I hadn’t heard wedding bells, I wish I hadn’t seen the children running around.

I wish I could move onto the next one. But I can’t,  I’m invested. And now I just sit and wait,  and hope that the dividends pay out.

Strength.

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