Today our heroine decided to allow herself to be happy, and the source of this happiness came from the most unpredictable place.
No not mine, my friend’s found themselves with a surprise. I recognise the very judgemental person in me, it was on the tip of my tongue to lash out at them for such irresponsibility and foolishness, they don’t have steady incomes, they’re still studying and they have so much to live for.
But I also realised that I can’t expect myself to be responsible for every plan (even if it’s one I have for my friends) that doesn’t work out. Shit happens.
I’ve been asked to be the godmother of Little Chickpea, an overwhelming and humbling feeling. Now this is something I can control, I can offer my guidance and all the hard lessons I’ve learned.
This request made me so happy today. Recognition and appreciation of the person I am, so much so that they are willing to let me be an important part of their child’s life.
Whew I can barely come to understand what I’ve agreed to, but I look forward to learning and offering my support. Kind of excited to meet my godchild, just 7 more months.
And I got to do some more reading today. Poor Fanny Price can’t be very comfortable with how long I’ve taken to interrogate her life story. It’s so weird, I feel like my personality constantly swings between her and Elizabeth. Two completely different young woman. Opitime of Gemini I guess.
A good 6 weeks still to go, but I’m training my brain to think of him less. I’m definitely in the distraction phase- work, reading, school, obsessing over my future (which I’m tentatively rewriting without him in mind)…and I even dared myself to self-service. Hee hee.
You gotta love yourself first, after all.
Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.