Today was my most paranoid, psychotic period yet. I’ve felt grief, numbness and today I was one cuckoo missing a clock.
My obsessive mind wouldn’t let go of the thought of him with his next lady. She obviously was a complete villain in my thoughts with a smirk and a loud, bitchy mouth. She chirps something and I gleefully, yet painfully envisioned a couple of scenarios:
1. I retort something witty like “side dishes must mind their manners when the main course is present”
2. I not so accidently spill a drink all over her
3. Which is my personal favourite, I slap her
How could I be feeling so angry over an event that may or may not happen? I was actually thrown at how quickly my mind went on the defensive, already preparing me for future heartache and disappointment.
I think I’m giving myself reasons, anything to understand how we’re in this situation. Is it such an issue to me that his parents don’t know I exist after we dated for a year? Yes. Would he ever let them know about me… if we fix the break? Or maybe I’m overreacting, its not like he’s close or communicative with his family.
The point is that I realised that doubt has slowly crept in.
Goddess get me through this. Give me strength.
Serenity. Courage. Wisdom