Today had all the numbness of a Linken Park song. Waking up felt like what I’d imagine would be coming to conscious after a bomb blast. Everything was silent, the air was cloudy and my body struggled to lift itself up.
At least I didn’t look like reality had smacked me up nicely. Tired yes, but a lot stronger than I felt yesterday. I was shocked, worried that the pain had disappeared so quickly. But no, it lurked behind my eyes, a deep weight upon my chest.
Music was on my side as I drove to work. Switching on the radio to hear:
“‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections”
And I realised that I didn’t need to scramble for a wadded up kleenex. I could appreciate that love still existed, and thanks to John Legend I didn’t need to start my day off angry or depressed.
Song two and three were pretty great, Sara Bareilles’ Brave and Katy Perry’s Roar reminding me that I can be heartbroken but still kick ass too… which I did today.
I got through 24 hours without speaking to him. Although I did set up a column to stalk his tweets and I reread his last two messages to me over a hundred times. I knew this wouldn’t be easy.
And so maybe I carried around a water bottle of vodka and lemonade. If I had the opportunity to take a personal day, I would’ve. They just have to deal with my functional alcoholism.
But awesome news for those of you who are genuinely concerned, I don’t need wine to help me sleep tonight.
So keeps the end of day 2…
Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.