The Break: S01E02

Today had all the numbness of a Linken Park song. Waking up felt like what I’d imagine would be coming to conscious after a bomb blast. Everything was silent, the air was cloudy and my body struggled to lift itself up.

At least I didn’t look like reality had smacked me up nicely.  Tired yes, but a lot stronger than I felt yesterday.  I was shocked, worried that the pain had disappeared so quickly.  But no, it lurked behind my eyes,  a deep weight upon my chest.

Music was on my side as I drove to work. Switching on the radio to hear:

“‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections

And I realised that I didn’t need to scramble for a wadded up kleenex. I could appreciate that love still existed, and thanks to John Legend I didn’t need to start my day off angry or depressed.

Song two and three were pretty great, Sara Bareilles’ Brave and Katy Perry’s Roar reminding me that I can be heartbroken but still kick ass too… which I did today.

I got through 24 hours without speaking to him. Although I did set up a column to stalk his tweets and I reread his last two messages to me over a hundred times. I knew this wouldn’t be easy.

And so maybe I carried around a water bottle of vodka and lemonade. If I had the opportunity to take a personal day, I would’ve.  They just have to deal with my functional alcoholism.

But awesome news for those of you who are genuinely concerned, I don’t need wine to help me sleep tonight.

So keeps the end of day 2…

Serenity. Courage.  Wisdom.

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2 thoughts on “The Break: S01E02

  1. When you speak to the heart, been going through somthing similar for months, nd now I’m just letting nature take its course

    • I wish I could do the same- everything is so new. The only reason I’ve started to blog about this is to slow down and prevent my overthinking things

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